Good to Be Alive
There was a period in my life when my freedom was taken away. One day, a guard looked at me and asked why I was always smiling. I was in handcuffs at the time.
“Because I’m alive,” I told her. “That’s already something.”
I did not mean that everything was fine. It wasn’t. Nor did I mean that a smile could make difficulty disappear. Some things hurt. Some situations are unfair. There are days when we are angry, disappointed, frightened or simply tired of dealing with what life has put in front of us.
I have never believed that being alive means we should be cheerful all the time.
What I have learned instead is that a difficult moment does not have to take possession of everything else.
Sometimes a smile helps me loosen my grip on whatever is happening. Not to deny it, but to stop becoming completely trapped inside it. The circumstances may remain exactly the same, yet something in me has shifted enough to make room for another response.
People often talk about “positive” and “negative” energy, and about staying away from people who bring the wrong kind into a room. I have never found the distinction that simple. We all have our high days and our low ones. Sometimes we lift a room; sometimes we are the one who needs lifting. Moods travel easily between people, but so do warmth, patience and humour.
The more useful question, for me, is not who carries the wrong energy. It is what I am bringing with me today.
Over the years, I have become increasingly fond of ordinary life. Not because every ordinary day is wonderful, but because most of life is made of days that would never qualify as important.
Sometimes I spend too many hours at my desk and finally have to invent a reason to leave the house. I tell myself I should go to the gym, or buy something at the market, or simply walk outside. Then I step through the door and remember that I live in the middle of a beautiful place I have barely noticed all day.
Once, I woke in the middle of the night because there was supposed to be an aurora. I went outside and saw no northern lights at all. Instead, I found a sky full of stars.
That seemed a perfectly acceptable outcome.
Life is full of these small substitutions. We go looking for one thing and find another. We make plans, miss something, arrive late, change our minds, feel disappointed and then discover that the day has offered us something we had not thought to ask for.
None of this means we have to pretend disappointment is pleasure.
It simply means disappointment does not get the whole stage.
There are also days when none of this works particularly well. I can be impatient. I can be discouraged. I can sit with a frown on my face and have no interest in smiling at anyone.
That, too, is part of being alive.
Perhaps this is why I still remember that conversation with the guard. The important thing was never the smile itself. It was the fact that even there, in circumstances I would never have chosen, I could still recognize something that had not been taken away.
I was alive.
Years later, I find the thought no less useful. When I am frustrated, tired or caught up in something that feels much larger than it probably is, I sometimes remind myself that I can still be frustrated. I can still complain. I can still frown.
There is something almost funny about that.
If I can still frown, I am still here.
And being here is already quite a lot.
Good to be alive.
活著就是好
節選改編自《凡塵中開悟》
從不敢發朋友圈，到後來把朋友圈當成私人日記，中間有一個過程。
開始的時候，只是想做些記錄，或者傳遞一些信息。慢慢發現，生活裡那些平凡的事情，反而留下了最真實的反思。
我愛生活，無論任何形式的生活。
當我身陷囹圄的時候，有管教問我：
「整天都笑嘻嘻的，有那麼開心嗎︖」
當時我戴著手銬。
我說：「有啊，活著就是好。」
我喜歡笑。
遇到困難會笑，遇到無理的人也會笑。不是因為事情沒有甚麼大不了，也不是笑一笑，問題就會消失。只是很多時候，人在一件事情裡繃得太緊，笑一笑，自己先鬆開一點。
生活本來就有高低。
很多人說不要靠近「負能量」的人。我一直覺得，人不可能永遠處在同一種狀態。你有低落的時候，我也有。情緒會互相影響，笑容也一樣。
所以，比起忙著分辨誰是「正能量」、誰是「負能量」，我更願意留意自己帶著甚麼走進人群。
更多時候，生活其實沒有甚麼大事。
有一段日子，我不自覺又回到了「書桌模式」。一天到晚坐在書桌前工作，於是開始想辦法逼自己出去。去找個健身教練也好，去菜市場也好，不管怎樣，總要找個理由走出去。
結果一踏出家門，才記起：
原來我住在一個度假村的中央。
山一直都在，天空一直都在。
只是坐在書桌前的時候，我忘了。
有一次，聽說晚上可能看到極光，我半夜醒來，跑到戶外。
沒有極光。
卻看到滿天的星星。
那些從很久以前啟程的星光，在那一刻來到眼前。
我沒有看到原本想看的東西，卻也沒有覺得白跑一趟。
還有些日子甚麼都沒有發生。
一個人，打開窗戶，聽雨，聞風，觀鳥，遨遊書海和懷念。
這些事情都很小。
小得如果不寫下來，很快就會忘記。
可是回頭看，生活好像本來就是由這些東西組成的。不是每一天都有重要事情發生，也不是每一次出門都要有所收穫。有時候只是走出去，看看天︔半夜醒來，看看星星︔心情不好，就讓自己不好一會兒。
我也會眉頭緊鎖。
所以下一次眉頭緊鎖的時候，我還是會提醒自己：
還好，我還能眉頭緊鎖。
證明我還活著。
活著就是好。