What Giving Gave Me
I was not supposed to spend those extra two days at Harvard. The alumni gathering was over, work was waiting for me in Asia, and my body clock was already somewhere over the Pacific. All I wanted was to leave. Instead, for reasons beyond my control, I found myself staying longer than planned, quietly wondering why life was wasting my time.
Then I ran into a young woman I had met years earlier. When we first knew each other, she was still in secondary school and had taken part in one of our Heart Chorus programs. Now she was studying in Boston and had developed a strong interest in social enterprise and public service. We began talking about what she was doing, what she cared about, and eventually about Heart Chorus. Before long, she said, almost casually, “I’m on board. Definitely.”
A little later, I watched her ride away on her bicycle. I can still see that image. Years before, I had thought we were giving young people an opportunity—perhaps a different kind of experience, perhaps a wider view of the world. I had never imagined that one day I would meet one of them again, older now, making her own choices and ready to contribute in her own way. Standing there, I found myself wondering what exactly had been given all those years ago, and to whom.
That question stayed with me. For many years, much of my life revolved around education and volunteer work. I travelled constantly, met young people in different countries, organized projects, found partners, raised support, solved problems and worried about details that no one else was supposed to notice. At the time, I rarely questioned the language we used. We were “giving back.” We were “helping.” We were “creating opportunities.” There was always someone doing the giving and someone receiving it, and that seemed perfectly reasonable.
The longer I did the work, however, the less certain I became about those roles. In Sydney, after one particularly demanding Heart Chorus gathering, I watched a group of volunteers who had spent days taking care of everyone else. They were exhausted—not the satisfying kind of tired that looks good in photographs, but the kind that comes from too little sleep, too many last- minute problems and too many people needing something from you at once.
After the event, some of us travelled together for a while. Without schedules to chase or problems to solve, everyone slowly became human again. We ate, talked, laughed about what had gone wrong, and let the sea air do some of the work that sleep had failed to do. Watching them finally relax, I had a very simple thought: these people who had spent all this time caring for others needed to be cared for too.
It should have been obvious, but somehow it wasn’t. Perhaps people who are used to giving become a little too comfortable with that position. There is a certain satisfaction in being useful. You know what your role is; you have something to offer. Receiving is less tidy. It means allowing someone else to matter. It means admitting that you, too, can be tired, uncertain, changed, even helped. Once that happens, the neat distinction between giver and receiver begins to fall apart.
Over the years, I have seen this happen in many forms. A student asks a question and the teacher leaves thinking differently. A volunteer arrives believing she is there to help and goes home with friendships she never expected. Someone you encouraged years ago reappears and reminds you why you started in the first place. A person passes briefly through your life and somehow remains there long after the circumstances that brought you together have disappeared.
This is also why Pay It Forward came to mean more to me over time. At first, I understood it simply: if someone gives you something, you do not have to repay that person. You pass the kindness on. I still believe that. But experience has added another layer. What we give forward does not simply leave us. The act of giving takes us into other people’s lives, places us in situations we could never have planned, exposes our assumptions and changes the way we see the world. Sometimes it disappoints us. Sometimes it humbles us. Occasionally, years later, it returns in a form we do not immediately recognize.
I have spent a great deal of my life on work that I thought was for other people. Looking back, I would describe it differently now. Yes, I gave time, energy and whatever experience I had. But I also received lives I would never otherwise have known. I received stories, friendships, surprises, disappointments, questions I could not easily answer, and countless reminders that people are far more complicated—and far more generous—than any role we assign them.
Some of those people are still in my life. Some are not, and some I may never meet again. For a while, we walked together. That may be enough.
When I was younger, I thought giving was about what left my hands. It took me many years to notice what it left behind.
你說你是一個付出者，其實你是一個接受者
節選改編自《凡塵中開悟II》
為了推廣「成長心連心」，那些年我去了很多地方。
行程多得後來已經無法完整追溯。我還是盡力把一路上的足跡記下來。
有時候我想，如果有一天，我再也記不起你，也不記得自己是誰，但願這些記錄還能喚醒片刻，讓我們記得曾經在人生路上相遇。
很多事情，當時只是匆匆走過。多年之後再回頭看，才發現留下來的往往不是活動本身，而是人。
有一次，我去哈佛參加校友會活動。
活動已經結束，卻因為各種原因，被迫多留兩晚。看著亞洲那邊積壓的工作，我歸心似箭，心裡一直嘀咕：為甚麼還要把時間耗在這裡︖
結果就在這兩天，我遇到了一個很多年前參加過「成長心連心」的女孩。
那時候她還是中學生。
再見面，她已經在波士頓讀大學。我們聊起彼此近況，發現她對公益事業和社會企業很有興趣，話題很自然又回到「全球成長心連心」。
談了一會兒，她說：
“I am on board, definitely.”
她願意加入。
臨行前，我拍下她騎著自行車離去的背影。
那個畫面，我一直記得。
很多年前，我們因為一個活動相遇。當時沒有人知道這段相遇會留下甚麼，更不會知道多年以後，會在地球另一邊重新碰見。
原來有些事情做完了，並沒有真的結束。
人走了，活動散了，時間繼續往前，曾經走過的人卻可能在很久以後，以另一個模樣重新出現。
2017年，第三屆「全球成長心連心」在悉尼舉行。
那幾天大家都累壞了。
有人照顧學生，有人處理現場，有人忙著一件又一件突發的事情。凌晨四點半，我們已經到達悉尼大橋攀登公司。表面上看起來很輕鬆，其實每一個人都在嚴陣以待。
活動結束，我看著那些累得不行的義工，寫下：
「跟所有的父母一樣，只要孩子開心，累一點兒也值得。」
後來，我帶著部分義工一起自駕遊。
沒有了活動時間表，也不用再追著一件又一件工作跑。大家吃飯、聊天，看風景，海風和浪花慢慢把連日來的緊張和疲勞洗掉。
看著他們，我忽然想到：
其實他們何嘗不是需要被關愛的孩子呢……
活動期間，他們一直在照顧別人。
到了這個時候，才有空讓自己也休息一下。
我想，所謂付出，有時候很容易讓人站到一個特別的位置上。
我在幫助別人。
我在照顧別人。
我在為別人做些甚麼。
可是走得久了，這個位置會慢慢變得沒有那麼清楚。
那些我以為自己在照顧的人，也曾經給我力量︔那些我以為自己在陪伴的年輕人，很多年後又出現在眼前，讓我重新看見一些事情︔那些一起捱過疲累日子的義工，最後留下來的，不只是完成了一場活動，而是一段彼此都曾經參與過的人生。
旅程結束的時候，我看著他們一個一個離開。
「你不知道你有多勇敢，你不知道你有多慷慨。」
有人笑著說起一路上的故事，也有人眼裡帶著淚光。
送君千里，終須一別。
大家還是要各自往前走。
回頭看那些年，我當然做過很多事情，也付出過很多時間和精力。
但如果一定要分清楚誰是付出者，誰是接受者，我現在反而沒有那麼肯定。
一路上遇見那麼多人，聽過那麼多故事，有人陪我走一程，有人在多年以後重新出現。
我原本以為自己是在把愛傳出去。
走了很遠以後才發現，愛並沒有只往一個方向走。